I envied my friend who lived in Australia when I saw him living his dream life. He went on holiday with his girlfriend and was living an extraordinary life. I saw their photos on Instagram and couldn’t stop imagining what it would be like to live like him.
He recently returned from Australia, and I had coffee with him. I told him about how wonderful his life must be there. He smiled and nodded his head in disapproval.
He said, “The pictures are not my actual life. They are what I show you. Life is difficult in Australia. The photos you saw were from a weekend trip. The weekends are the only time I can relax a bit. Other than that, nothing is simple. I wish I could return here and be with my family.”
I was surprised to hear his response, but I quickly understood that what you see on social media is not reality.
Comparing ourselves with others is common today, mainly because social media gives us constant exposure to others’ lives.
What happens when you compare yourself to others?
Comparison directly affects your emotional state. It triggers you with jealousy, anxiety, and inadequacy — not being enough.
When you feel lacking and inadequate, you suffer from mental and emotional diseases. It can lead to never being satisfied with people and things around you.
I was mistaken in thinking my friend was living his best life in Australia. He was only showing the good part of his life—like we all do on social media. The worst part was that I was comparing his highlights with my behind-the-scenes.
It’s what’s happening with most people, especially the youth. Children want iPhones and expensive gadgets because they want to be cool. Teenagers also seek fancy cars to show off (or impress) their friends.
Comparing yourself to others is a distraction from your goals and ambitions. Instead of identifying what you truly want, you falsely believe you want what others have. The result can be catastrophic because it keeps you from your personal growth. You cannot do the things you value because your time and attention are occupied thinking about others.
Comparison is unfair.
Humans are unique beings. We have different bodies, minds, and purposes. It is extremely rare to find two people thinking about the same things and having similar ambitions. Everyone has unique backgrounds, circumstances, and resources that make comparisons unequal.
Individuals’ definitions of success vary. For instance, some might consider having $1 million to be a success, while being able to spend time with family and loved ones might be a success for others.
It is not okay to compare someone else’s success to your struggles. They are in Chapter 20 of their life, while you are only at Chapter 1 or 2.
Learn from people’s successes and accomplishments instead of being jealous or comparing yourself to their circumstances. The best thing you can do is to turn envy into inspiration.
Do this instead of comparing yourself to others.
The first thing you should do is know yourself and focus on what matters to you. As I said, each person is unique and has their own purpose. Identify what’s yours. What do you like doing? How do you like to spend time?
Set goals for yourself and start working on them. If you want the same things as someone else, sit down and think if that’s what you truly want. Is it what you want or what you think you want? That’s totally different. After I learned that my friend had a difficult life in Australia, I understood that I only thought I wanted that life. I wouldn’t like that life if I had to work like he did.
Focus on your personal growth and make small progress daily to achieve your goals.
Practice gratitude rather than thinking about what you don’t have. Comparison shows you lack — you don’t have enough. Being grateful shows you abundance — you already have many things. Remember, the life you currently live is a dream to someone else.
List the things you are grateful for every day. Look at everything around you and be thankful for it. Practicing gratitude will help you avoid comparison and manifest abundance in your life.
As I said, use comparison as inspiration instead of jealousy or envy. When you look at someone else’s success, be motivated to work hard and reach that level (if that’s what you truly want). Stop thinking of lack and start focusing on abundance. It means you can get inspired and determined that you can have such things, too. You just have to work harder and learn from them.
Some tips on maintaining a healthy mindset
The most crucial action you should take instantly is to limit social media exposure, as it is the primary trigger for comparison. Ensure that your time on Instagram and other apps is limited. Use it as a source of knowledge or information rather than comparison. You can also limit daily usage time on such apps. Understand that you control your devices and not the other way around.
Practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself by taking care of your physical and mental health. You are enough and don’t need to compare yourself with anyone. You can do and have anything you want. A positive mindset like this can significantly boost your self-esteem and reduce the need to compare.
Surround yourself with positive people. Your friends, family, and social circle also play a crucial role in your desire to compare. You develop a similar mindset when you are around people who constantly show off and talk highly of themselves. Instead, be around people who encourage you to become better. They should want you to focus on personal growth rather than competition.
Set personal goals and focus on yourself and your purpose. When you have a strong purpose, you eliminate the need to compare.
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