I used to obsess over goals — income goals, fitness goals, writing goals, and relationship goals. The problem wasn’t my ambition; it was my identity. When I learned how to change my identity, I became unstoppable, and achieving my goals became way easier.

Every year, you set goals and feel motivated for a week or two. “This is the year I’m going to change my life finally.” Then, life happens, and you get back to your old self. You won’t achieve your goals that way because you are only thinking about the outcome, without changing the identity. Your old habits and mindset keep you the same.

The core shift you must make is from goal-setting to identity-formation. The truth is that goals focus on outcomes. But growth comes from identity.

You don’t rise to your goals. You fall to your identity.

Read that again!

The problem with traditional goal-setting

Most people set goals and work hard to achieve them. And once they are successful, the motivation drops. They relapse into old habits. Then, they chase the next target without internal change. That might seem like a success, but it won’t help you make a life-altering transformation.

Goals don’t change your behavior. For instance, wanting to “write a book” doesn’t make you a writer. Or wanting to “get fit” doesn’t make you disciplined. Desire doesn’t lead to action. Identity does.

Setting goals increases pressure instead of progress. It creates an outcome obsession, which leads to anxiety. You measure yourself by results, and when you don’t see them, you feel like a failure. There is no real progress for change.

If you’ve failed to achieve your goals before, it’s not because you lack ambition. It’s because you tried to change outcomes without changing yourself.

The identity shift

When you set a goal, you ask, “What do I want?” You make a list of things and start working towards them. However, the real question should be, “Who do I need to become?” That’s identity-based change, which is necessary for you to get results more quickly (and more effectively).

• Wrong: I want to make $10,000/month.
• Right: I want to become someone who creates consistent value.
• Wrong: I want to lose 10 kg.
• Right: I want to become someone who doesn’t negotiate with workouts.
• Wrong: I want to grow on social media.
• Right: I want to become someone who publishes consistently.

Try this:

Pick one goal that is the most important to you. Then, rewrite it as an identity statement.

Align your behavior with your identity. That way, you don’t rely on motivation. You act because this is who you are.

Four years ago, I made a major shift in my identity that has helped me achieve massive results. I wanted to write online, help creators, and build a writing business. But the problem was I kept telling myself, “I want to become a writer.” In my bio, I wrote that I was an “aspiring” writer.

I learned about identity-shifting and how it helps achieve your desires more quickly. Then, I stopped calling myself an aspiring writer. I changed my bio immediately to “writer.” I started calling myself a writer because that’s who I had to become to achieve my writing goals. Then, my actions aligned with it too. What does a writer do? What does their daily schedule look like? I did what a writer does to become one.

How to become what you want to achieve

Identity shift might seem confusing at first. However, with a few easy steps, you can learn this life-altering strategy to achieve your goals.

Step 1: Define the identity clearly

• What does this person do daily?
• How do they think?
• What do they tolerate?
• What do they refuse to tolerate?

Write three to five identity traits. For example, if you want to become a content creator, write:

• I publish weekly.
• I don’t delete drafts out of fear.
• I improve something every day.

Step 2: Build micro-proof daily

You don’t have to go big straight away. Tiny actions daily can help you make an identity shift and slowly tap into a new one.

Do the smallest action that reinforces your new identity. For example, write 200 words daily, do 10 pushups, or post once per week, no matter what.

Remember, small wins matter more than big intentions. As you move forward, focus on continuous improvements. Increase the reps, experiment with ideas, and slowly grow into your new identity.

Step 3: Stop announcing goals. Start showing habits.

Less talking; more doing. Let your actions speak.

Do this: Write down your goals first. Make a list of things you want to achieve. That’s okay. Furthermore, write down the same goals as if you were already someone who has achieved them. Then, practice becoming that person every day.

Step 4: Track identity, not just results

Instead of asking, “Did I hit my target?” Ask, “Did I act like the person I’m becoming today?” You can create a Yes/No daily checklist if that helps. Reflect on your behavior every week. That’ll help you keep track of your path.

Conclusion

You don’t achieve success and then become disciplined. You become disciplined, and success follows. You don’t achieve confidence and then act. You act, and confidence grows.

Your identity helps you do the things necessary to achieve your goals. If you look at the outcome first, you will never become the person who achieves what they want. You will only focus on getting that thing.

Start building the person who naturally produces the outcomes you desire.

Starting something meaningful can be challenging. That’s why most people spend their time “getting ready” instead of doing what actually matters.

You tell yourself that you need more information, some good-quality equipment, set up the perfect system, or a bit more time. Only if you have these ready will you start. That’s what you think will make everything good.

Unfortunately, weeks go by, and you are left with nothing because you are still preparing.

It happened to me when I wanted to write my first e-book. I told myself that I wasn’t ready, even though I had written over 100 articles. I thought I still needed to improve. Well, guess what? There is always room for improvement, but that doesn’t mean we don’t do it.

Then, I wrote the e-book even though it wasn’t perfect. The outcome was so much more than what I had expected: the e-book got me over 500 email subscribers in less than a week.

I used to think confidence was something you were either born with or faked your way into. I’d see others speaking up in meetings or walking into a room as if they owned it, and I’d wonder, “How do they do that?” So, for a while, I tried to copy them — mimicked their tone, posture, and even phrases. But it always felt off, like I was pretending.

It took me a while to realize that true confidence isn’t about pretending to be someone else. It’s about being comfortable with who you are.

Let that sink in.

Confidence isn’t about puffing your chest out or acting like you have it all figured out. The people who try too hard to appear confident often come across as the most insecure.

Here’s how I slowly built confidence without faking it, and how you can too.

Know Your Stuff

I had to give many presentations during my time in college. At first, I was very nervous, and it showed when I was up there saying my lines. It took me a few trial and errors to dig deeper and understand the root cause of my lack of confidence. It wasn’t because of my mindset or personality. It was due to my lack of knowledge about the content. Next time, I went fully prepared, and my confidence grew 10x (literally).

Nothing builds confidence like competence. Whether it’s your work, a hobby, or the ability to hold a good conversation. The more you know, the more grounded you feel.

Confidence comes from preparation. Don’t aim to be the loudest person in the room. Be the most prepared.

Keep Promises to Yourself

Every time you say you’ll do something and then don’t, you chip away at your self-trust. Real confidence is built with integrity with yourself first.

Start with small things, such as waking up when you say you will, going for that walk, finishing a task, or calling a friend. These little wins add up.

There was a time when I’d make grand plans to work out every day, write at 8 a.m., and follow a strict diet. But I used to fail by day three. Then, I began setting smaller, achievable goals, such as 10-minute workouts, writing 200 words a day, and eating home-cooked meals. Slowly, I became someone who follows through.

Self-trust is the foundation of self-confidence.

Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

Confidence comes from repetitively putting yourself through discomfort. Eventually, nothing uncomfortable will affect you. You never become nervous if you begin to embrace discomfort.

I’ve begun doing difficult things, such as taking cold showers, prioritizing the most challenging tasks first thing, and speaking to strangers, to build confidence. I once joined a speaking group (Toastmasters) to get over my fear of public speaking. My hands shook during my first talk. My voice cracked. But no one laughed. They nodded, smiled, and encouraged me.

I learned that people are usually rooting for you more than you think. And every time you learn into discomfort, you expand your comfort zone.

You don’t need to be fearless to be confident. You just need to act despite the fear.

Stop Comparing

Comparison is a confidence killer. There will always be someone smarter, richer, better-looking, or more successful. If you measure yourself against others, you will never succeed.

Social media makes this worse. It’s a highlight reel, not real life. I’ve learned to mute or unfollow accounts that make me feel “less than.” Not because I’m bitter, but because I’m protecting my mental space.

Confidence grows when you stop measuring your worth through someone else’s lens. Learn to be comfortable in your own skin.

Speak Kindly to Yourself

Your internal dialogue shapes how you show up in the world. If you constantly tell yourself you aren’t good enough, you will act like it.

Start catching your inner critic.

Would you speak to others the way you talk to yourself? If not, change the tone. When I catch myself thinking, “You always mess this up,” I pause and reframe: “You are learning. You will get better.” It sounds cheesy, but it works.

How you speak to yourself becomes how you believe in yourself.

Conclusion

“Fake it till you make it” doesn’t really work in real life. It might give you a temporary boost in motivation, but what you actually need is to become it while you build it.

Confidence is not about having all the answers. It’s about trusting that you can figure things out along the way. Start with honesty and celebrate small wins. Do things that make you uncomfortable, even if they are difficult. Show up as you, imperfect and growing. That’s the kind of confidence that lasts.

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Happiness can be a rather sensitive subject because it has different meanings for each individual.

Often, we think happiness hinges on significant achievements or sweeping life changes. However, happiness is usually produced through small, consistent habits that add up over time.

Research shows that making simple changes in your daily routine, mindset, and perspective can significantly impact your overall well-being.

Here are seven small changes that can make a big difference in your happiness:

1. Starting your day with gratitude.

The beginning of your day can determine how it shapes up to be. Therefore, you must start your day by acknowledging something you’re grateful for. It can be as small as a cup of coffee or the air you breathe.

It can also be significant factors like sound health, friends, or financial abundance.

When you begin your day focusing on what you have rather than what you don’t, you train your brain to notice the positives. Being grateful can reduce stress and make you more resilient in difficult situations.

It only takes a minute or two to list what you are grateful for and embed that feeling into your presence. This two-minute exercise can give you a more optimistic perspective and build happiness over time.

2. Limit screen time.

We’ve all been hooked to our screens and forgotten to live life outside of them. This can have a severe effect on our health, especially our happiness.

Technology is essential, but excessive screen time (especially on social media) can actually harm our mood. Studies have shown that excessive social media use can make us feel lonely and reduce self-esteem.

Limiting screen time is crucial, especially during the first hour of the day. Replace it with a walk, exercise, or mindfulness practice.

By limiting screen time, you reclaim control over your attention and reduce negative influences, which can lead to more mindful and happy days.

3. Spend time outside every day.

Going for walks and spending time outside (especially in nature) can significantly boost your mood. Fresh air and natural light are mood lifters, and connecting with nature helps reduce anxiety and stress.

Spending time outdoors also increases serotonin levels and gives your body and mind a natural boost.

Go for regular walks or at least spend some time near a window with sunlight. Keep plants in your home to attract freshness and connect to nature. These activities can help you feel more grounded, energized, and content.

4. Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness doesn’t mean you must become spiritual and spend hours meditating.

Instead, it actually means being present and fully aware of where you are and what you are doing without judgment or distraction.

You only need a few minutes to focus on your breathing and observe your surroundings without trying to change anything. You don’t even have to close your eyes to be mindful. Instead, you can sit in a quiet place surrounded by nature and observe what is happening around you.

Studies have shown that even short, daily mindfulness practices can reduce stress, improve focus, and increase feelings of happiness.

5. Do one small kind act daily

You get what you give.

If you want more happiness, you must help others and spread joy. Small acts of kindness like helping a disabled person, feeding a hungry stranger, complimenting a friend, or sending a lovely message to someone will bring more happiness to you.

It works like a ripple effect. Small, thoughtful acts remind us of our connection to others and shift our focus away from worries. Doing one small act of kindness each day creates more joy for others and yourself.

6. Simplify your schedule.

Being busy can attract unnecessary stress, making it hard to focus on what truly matters. It can also take away your happiness.

Therefore, living a minimalistic life and focusing only on the essential things are crucial. If there is one thing I learned about prioritizing, what matters is to say “no” often. When you eliminate unnecessary tasks, you make room for doing things that make you happy.

Simplify your schedule and make time to relax, reflect, and recharge. When you have time to rest and focus on what you love, you feel more balanced, energized, and happier.

7. End the day with reflection.

Just like starting your day on a positive note by expressing gratitude is crucial, you must also end the same way. In other words, you need to summarize your day’s good and bad aspects to ensure you are heading in the right direction.

Write a journal about your positives and lessons, and include the things you are grateful for. Focus on the good as much as possible to end your day with optimism. I like to write in my journal and also include what I learned throughout the day.

Your evening routine is crucial because it trains you to look for the bright side and create a better tomorrow. You feel happier and more positive every time you end your day on a high note.

I envied my friend who lived in Australia when I saw him living his dream life. He went on holiday with his girlfriend and was living an extraordinary life. I saw their photos on Instagram and couldn’t stop imagining what it would be like to live like him.

He recently returned from Australia, and I had coffee with him. I told him about how wonderful his life must be there. He smiled and nodded his head in disapproval.

He said, “The pictures are not my actual life. They are what I show you. Life is difficult in Australia. The photos you saw were from a weekend trip. The weekends are the only time I can relax a bit. Other than that, nothing is simple. I wish I could return here and be with my family.”

I was surprised to hear his response, but I quickly understood that what you see on social media is not reality.

Comparing ourselves with others is common today, mainly because social media gives us constant exposure to others’ lives.

What happens when you compare yourself to others?

Comparison directly affects your emotional state. It triggers you with jealousy, anxiety, and inadequacy — not being enough.

When you feel lacking and inadequate, you suffer from mental and emotional diseases. It can lead to never being satisfied with people and things around you.

I was mistaken in thinking my friend was living his best life in Australia. He was only showing the good part of his life—like we all do on social media. The worst part was that I was comparing his highlights with my behind-the-scenes.

It’s what’s happening with most people, especially the youth. Children want iPhones and expensive gadgets because they want to be cool. Teenagers also seek fancy cars to show off (or impress) their friends.

Comparing yourself to others is a distraction from your goals and ambitions. Instead of identifying what you truly want, you falsely believe you want what others have. The result can be catastrophic because it keeps you from your personal growth. You cannot do the things you value because your time and attention are occupied thinking about others.

Comparison is unfair.

Humans are unique beings. We have different bodies, minds, and purposes. It is extremely rare to find two people thinking about the same things and having similar ambitions. Everyone has unique backgrounds, circumstances, and resources that make comparisons unequal.

Individuals’ definitions of success vary. For instance, some might consider having $1 million to be a success, while being able to spend time with family and loved ones might be a success for others.

It is not okay to compare someone else’s success to your struggles. They are in Chapter 20 of their life, while you are only at Chapter 1 or 2.

Learn from people’s successes and accomplishments instead of being jealous or comparing yourself to their circumstances. The best thing you can do is to turn envy into inspiration.

Do this instead of comparing yourself to others.

The first thing you should do is know yourself and focus on what matters to you. As I said, each person is unique and has their own purpose. Identify what’s yours. What do you like doing? How do you like to spend time?

Set goals for yourself and start working on them. If you want the same things as someone else, sit down and think if that’s what you truly want. Is it what you want or what you think you want? That’s totally different. After I learned that my friend had a difficult life in Australia, I understood that I only thought I wanted that life. I wouldn’t like that life if I had to work like he did.

Focus on your personal growth and make small progress daily to achieve your goals.

Practice gratitude rather than thinking about what you don’t have. Comparison shows you lack — you don’t have enough. Being grateful shows you abundance — you already have many things. Remember, the life you currently live is a dream to someone else.

List the things you are grateful for every day. Look at everything around you and be thankful for it. Practicing gratitude will help you avoid comparison and manifest abundance in your life.

As I said, use comparison as inspiration instead of jealousy or envy. When you look at someone else’s success, be motivated to work hard and reach that level (if that’s what you truly want). Stop thinking of lack and start focusing on abundance. It means you can get inspired and determined that you can have such things, too. You just have to work harder and learn from them.

Some tips on maintaining a healthy mindset

The most crucial action you should take instantly is to limit social media exposure, as it is the primary trigger for comparison. Ensure that your time on Instagram and other apps is limited. Use it as a source of knowledge or information rather than comparison. You can also limit daily usage time on such apps. Understand that you control your devices and not the other way around.

Practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself by taking care of your physical and mental health. You are enough and don’t need to compare yourself with anyone. You can do and have anything you want. A positive mindset like this can significantly boost your self-esteem and reduce the need to compare.

Surround yourself with positive people. Your friends, family, and social circle also play a crucial role in your desire to compare. You develop a similar mindset when you are around people who constantly show off and talk highly of themselves. Instead, be around people who encourage you to become better. They should want you to focus on personal growth rather than competition.

Set personal goals and focus on yourself and your purpose. When you have a strong purpose, you eliminate the need to compare.

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We often feel unheard.

You feel people’s resistance in meetings or among a group of friends. When you try to express your views and opinions, people don’t listen to you or take you seriously.

I’ve been there, and it’s a horrible situation to be in. I felt disrespected, but there was nothing I could do about it.

Even though I’ve tried to improve my circumstances, I still feel left out. I notice people walking all over me, and I can do nothing about it. However, I don’t feel its impact as much as I used to. I’ve learned to let go and focus on myself, and the circumstances don’t bother me anymore.