But the funny thing is that people care a lot less about you than you think. They care about themselves more.

People are more interested in themselves – their problems, happiness, relationships, health, work, looks, etc., etc.

Think about this: Suppose you are attending a party this evening. So you take a shower, you dress up, you fix your hair, you look your best self, and you go to the party. Why do you dress up well for special occasions like these? Yeah sure, you want to look good. But really, why? Because there are going to be other people and you want to make a better impression of yourself.

So basically, you want to look good for others.

But for a moment, think about it from their point-of-view. Aren’t they doing the same thing? They are also trying to make a better impression of themselves to others. So they dress well to attend the party as well.

When you are at the party, do you really care what the other person is wearing? No, you don’t (maybe “Yes” for some people). But all you care about is yourself. You are busy fixing your hair, dress, makeup, or whatever, making sure that you are looking good.

How to Make a Better Impression of Yourself?

After reading a bunch of books on human behavior and psychology, I have understood that people are more interested in themselves than they are in others.

So here’s what you need to do to make a better impression of yourself – be interested in other people. You don’t need to dress well to impress others. Instead, give them a compliment, ask them about their lives – their work, their health, their relationships. Show them that you genuinely care about them.

The best book ever written on human communication is How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. This book is filled with great insights on this topic. If you haven’t read it yet, you must. I would like to share a few lines from the book:

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures bristling with prejudice and motivated by pride and vanity.”

“Talk to someone about themselves and they’ll listen for hours.”

“Why talk about what we want? That is childish. Absurd. Of course, you are interested in what you want. You are eternally interested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you: we are interested in what we want.”

Why People Care Less About You

To understand this, you have to be able to think of things from their point-of-view. Just like you, other people have a lot of things going on in their lives. For instance, they might be stressed because their work-life is not going smoothly. They might be having problems with their partners. Their health might not be very sound. Do you think they really care about your life when they are going through so much in their lives? I don’t think so.

This does not mean that nobody cares about you. Of course, there are people who genuinely care for you, like your parents, your friends, your partner, maybe your kids, your grandparents, etc. But sometimes, we forget to appreciate what we have, and instead, we look for something that we cannot have.

People have no time for your problems because they got enough of their own. They don’t care about your expensive dresses, branded shoes, high-tech gadgets, super-cool accessories, or whatever. For that matter, you might be making the opposite impression on them by trying to impress them with all these things.

Stop Caring and Do This

In his book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Mark Manson explains that the key to a good life is not giving a fuck about more. It is giving a fuck about less, giving a fuck about only what is true, immediate, and important.

“Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a fuck about what’s truly fuckworthy.” — Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

Stop caring what other people think about you. Instead, focus and prioritize your thoughts effectively on your personal values. What are the things that matter to you the most? Who are the people that genuinely care about you?

As I said before if you want to make a good impression on others, be genuinely interested in them. Ask them about their lives. Listen to what they have to say. Help them solve their problems and make their lives better.

If you are doing the right things that matter to you, do it without thinking about what others will say (unless you are committing some kind of crime). But again, people are too busy caring about their own problems. So you might as well just do it.

But make sure you are not doing it just to impress people you don’t even like.

“We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.” — Unknown

Final Thoughts

When you go out the next time, think about the party example I gave earlier. Observe how people behave. You can even do a little experiment: See how people react when you tell them something about yourself versus when you ask them something about them (like their outfit, work-life, relationship, a recent trip, etc.). They are more likely to be excited and happier to talk about themselves.

Remember, people care less about you and more about themselves because they are interested in themselves more.

So instead of caring (or worrying) about what people think about you, do more things that are of value to you. Be grateful for those who genuinely care for you. Appreciate them more. Don’t try to impress people you don’t like. Block the negative people from your life. Don’t judge, criticize, and condemn. Be genuine.

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People often want change. They talk about the change necessary in the government’s actions, in people’s behavior, in the country’s development, and so forth. But what about themselves?

In most situations, people usually think that they are right and others are wrong. They believe that they know everything. In the context of Nepal, you only have to go to the local Chiya Pasal and sit there for about 15 minutes. You will hear people talk about all kinds of stuff related to politics, business, the stock market, government issues, or the dog that died on the street. Some just gossip about their friends and other people. Often the person talking will find himself to be the superior one.

The Situation of Nepal

Recently, people came to the streets to protest against the government’s handling of the COVID-19 situation in the country. It was not the first time people protested against the government. Now I’m not saying that the people were wrong to protest. I, too, support the protest. But this is not just about the COVID-19 protest.

One of the most common sayings we hear people say in our country is, “Our government is useless.” I couldn’t agree more. The government is not good and does not do its job very well.

But is it all the government’s fault? Have you ever thought about what you can do to bring change to the country?

Let’s take an example. We all know that the Bagmati river in the valley is very polluted. Whenever we pass by the river, we cover our noses to avoid the unpleasant smell coming from the river. How did the river get so dirty? Is it the government’s fault? Yes, things could have been different if there was a proper waste management system. But, only the government is not to blame for it. It is you and I who are also equally responsible for the pollution.

We must have also seen a pile of garbage in different parts of the city. Whenever we pass by the trash, we say that the municipality is careless about not picking up the trash. Who puts that garbage there in the first place? You and I do. There are many ways to control garbage and waste at an individual level. But all we do is blame the government for it.

What Can You Do?

I always try to question myself regarding what I can do to change things. For instance, I don’t eat meat. I am against animal cruelty. But when I try to explain it to my friends and other people, they don’t get it. They give me a ton of reasons why meat is essential in our diet. (The funniest one is, “Where will I get protein from if I stop eating meat?”) I want to change people’s behavior and thinking regarding the consumption of animal products. So I ask myself, “What can I do to bring this change?”

The answer: I can spread awareness about animal cruelty and how the consumption of animal products affects our health and the environment. I cannot force anyone to change. If I bring attention to a hundred people, for example, and only one person understood it and followed it, I would be pleased because I got a change in that person. You don’t have to try to change everyone and everything around you. You just have to start and change a small thing first.

Whenever you feel like you want a change in the country, think about what you can do as an individual.

More Examples

The government locked down the entire country to prevent the spread of the coronavirus. But, unfortunately, the lockdown was proven to be meaningless at the end of almost three months. If people were cautious about the spread of the virus, maybe the lockdown would not have been necessary in the first place. If only the people had followed the rules—maintained social distancing, avoided contact, used masks and sanitizers, and washed their hands—things could have been different. But, all the people don’t follow those rules. Instead, people prefer hanging out with their friends and going to places.

Here’s another one: We complain about traffic jams in the valley. But, every day, we can find people violating the traffic rules—crossing the lanes, making U-turns, entering one-way streets, not using sidelights when taking a turn, driving drunk, and so forth. Whose fault is it? It is both people and the government. The government because of the unmanaged road and traffic system. The people because they violate these rules. And it is these very people that go on and complain about the government and make all the big talks. To develop a nation, both the people and the government are equally responsible. What if we never violate any of the rules and do the best from our side? Things would undoubtedly be different.

How to Make a Change?

People in our country only know how to talk big. All the superior talks and all the complaints are why our country remains the same with no change. People share stuff on social media and spread all kinds of news without even knowing where they came from so quickly that everyone tends to believe in them. Social media is destroying the lives of people because anyone can say anything there. The creators of social media are making billions while we argue about unnecessary things on their platforms.

People must change their way of thinking, actions, and beliefs for the nation to change. It is you and I who must change first. Don’t go after things that don’t matter. Meaningless talks are a waste of time. Instead, talk about things that will help you and others become better people. Stop complaining and start taking actions, actions that will lead to the change. Be innovative. Solve real problems. Stop getting bothered by what others will think about you or what the society will say, as long as you do the right thing. Do not get involved in unnecessary gossip about others. Focus on your work. Spend time with your loved ones and improve your relationships. Work on improving your physical and mental health through exercise and meditation. Help the needy. Spread joy and love. Don’t confuse fake freedom for real freedom. Be kind to one another.

It is we who need to change first. We have to become better people. Change your thoughts, beliefs, values, ideas, and feelings for the better.

Finally

At the beginning of this article, I started with a quote by Mahatma Gandhi. Did you even think for a while whether Gandhi said it? I’m sure you did not. Gandhi did not say it. So, it is just another example of how false news spreads across the Internet and social media. Gandhi’s actual quote went something like this:

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